I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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