then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
