I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
