You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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