Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Shame - the story of my life.
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