Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
