I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
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