wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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