apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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