Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
