There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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