I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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