Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
