This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
