fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
