I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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