I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
