Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize