help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
