Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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