I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
