pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
