im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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