Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
