that's an acceptable place to lick
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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