I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
