id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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