Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
