3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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