why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
