is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
This is my gift to your gina
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
