this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
