pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I fill condoms, not promises.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
