you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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