I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
