Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Randomize