Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
