How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
