I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
