Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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