He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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