they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
