i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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