I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
