Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
