Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Someone came in the potted fern
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
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