Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I love you.
Bad choice
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
