Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Come on in and take your pants off
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