If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Randomize
