rhymes with "ouble enetration"
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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