I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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