He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
