Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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