Ambien. No doubt about it.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
