so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
