She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
