I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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