he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
