ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
