The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Randomize