OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
