I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
