she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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