I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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