I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
