he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
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