sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
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