So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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