Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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